


Earth Artifacts

by Anonymous



Category: Guardians of the Galaxy (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Anti-Steve Rogers, Captain America is a historical artifact, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, Gen, Slavery, This is canon level slavery, im sorry steve
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-23
Updated: 2019-01-23
Packaged: 2019-10-15 00:30:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,388
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17518793
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: The Collector needs an artifact from Earth, the main reason he doesn't have one yet is because he's just beenbusy. Most people stay away from the small planet lest they incur the full ire of the Sovereign Fleet, apparently cultural contamination was a very serious crime.He can't take a landmark, they're far too hard to replicate, he needs something lost and yet remembered by all of history.Enter, Steve Rogers.





	Earth Artifacts

**Author's Note:**

> okay so i updated the tags and warnings etc bc i realised that ppl don’t appreciate what i had which is fine, they’re rigjt. uhh, chapter 2 might be coming at some stage w the guardians. but also, the slavery in this non-canonical but also, The Collector collects people as well hence there’s already slavery in canon?? doesn’t make it right but i really do hate steve. 
> 
>  
> 
> this one goes to the person i beta for!! they're just _fantastic_
> 
> this is kinda fucked up when you think about it which makes me tempted to make it an open wip but sigh, i must not.  
>  **tw** for the word queer used negatively like once or twice. and also **slavery**
> 
> anyways, i hope you guys enjoy!!

The Collector boasts an eclectic range of items that he sometimes – only if the person is in favour with the man – sells off.

But, from the planet Earth? He has little collection, the Sovereign Fleet prefers not to dwell amongst the planet because it’s hardly developed technologically wise, for death’s sake, they can hardly space travel! It’s the main reason anyone hardly visits Earth – no-one wants to incur the wrath of the Sovereign Fleet at its peak.

You see, The Collector is on a singular mission on the planet, he needs to collect an item so dated and yet historically important that no-one would miss its physical presence and yet would yearn with nostalgia over it in the years proceeding its removal.

For that reason, he couldn’t steal any of their iconic landmarks – even if they didn’t see through the replica he left behind, some-one from the Sovereign Fleet would probably notice it. They were so tight that you could shove a lump of coal up their ass and within a week you’d have a diamond.

Why anyone would use that kind of phrase was beyond him; diamonds were one of the weakest crystals in the universe and sure they were pretty, but have you ever seen the galaxy in a stone?

The Collector prepares himself a shuttle, leaving his assistant in charge, there’s a bomb in her neck that she’s all too well aware that if she sells off even _one_ of his items that she will be a dead woman walking.

It was simply an occupation hazard, sure, perhaps adding the bombs to her entire family was a tad excessive but you should never underestimate a person’s greed, The Collector had learnt that the hard way.

Descending unto the predominantly green and blue earth, The Collector once again checks his co-ordinates, he’s set to land in Egypt, it’s in a convenient enough spot given the landmarks to guide him – he’s pretty sure that Egypt is the reason the Sovereign Fleet is so uptight about cultural contamination. What little historical possessions that haven’t been stolen away to Britain, were rich in culture and sure to fetch a pretty penny.

Another odd idiom, pennies were hardly pretty, they were dull and downright primitive compared to units.

When in Egypt, he learns many things, for one, the place is in such an internal corruptive turmoil that a knock would tumble the trembling house of cards, and he _cannot_ afford to draw attention to here.

So, the place of dazzling riches that have yet to be pillaged and gorgeous pyramids that he’s certain was created for the sole purpose to guide people into their spots.

Stealing the stone from the Ka’ba would be even more daring but it _is_ quite hard to get in there unnoticed, such religious ceremony at all hours of the day.

Most planets, when their technology evolved to light travel, they abandoned the vestiges of religion and instead became solely secular.

Frustrated to be outwitted by the mere presence of such a devolved species, The Collector retires to his pod to think up a new strategy, he decided that a visit to the library was in order, it would be hard, considering the lack of technology to guide him, but he would remain for the sake of a collectable item.

“Hi sir! May I assist you?” A bubbly girl asks from behind the counter of the library, it’s automatically translated due to the transplant in his brain, it transmits foreign languages and converts his speech to that of the language.

It’s quite handy when he has to sell items or buy them from persons not familiar with his tongue. The only indication that the translation has begun is a beep that resonates throughout his mind.

“Hmm,” he taps his chin, as if deciding what he wants to read, “perhaps some history today?”

“Of course, sir, right this way.” She leads him through a labyrinth of books, each aching with old age. “Here we are, call me over if you need any more help.” She specifies, giving a small bow.

“Thank you darling.” He says, turning his full gaze to the shelves in front of him – they’re further divided into sub-categories.

Without much to do he sighs and begins to rifle through the books, some interesting landmarks, but nothing he could thieve. It’s when he’s halfway through the war section that he finds something truly intriguing, the personification of America, the coloniser, a war hero, dressed much like the American flag.

Captain America.

Apparently, his plane went down over the sea and his body was never recovered. The most interesting part is that the man was no ordinary man, no, the man had been injected with a form of super serum to enhance his abilities.

“Perfect.” He murmurs, his internal cameras snapping a photo of the page with the information. “You were very helpful.” He smiles widely as he leaves the library, finally, a possession so famous that it would instantly be recognised but also a lost treasure, one that people regret the loss of, looking back with nostalgia.

Of course, nostalgia clouds judgement, but he’s hardly one to judge.

The extraction of the possession is almost _too_ easy, The Collector leaves the super soldier in the ice he is encased in and heads back to his realm, the people of Earth will never miss a figure that was supposedly lost after the war.

*

When Captain America is brought out of his deep sleep, induced by the near death experience, he is confused, on each side of him is glass but curiously enough he’s still in his uniform, even with his shield! Whoever captured him must be an idiot. In front of him peers a queer looking man, “Hey! Let me go!”

“Hmm, I think not, you surely will rake in many units for me in both visiting and whenever I sell you, you shall bring me much fortune and fame.” The man says, lowering his glasses to look at Steve.

“My friends will find me!” He threatens.

“Oh Captain, you’ve been legally dead for a very long time, I doubt they’ll ever come for you, and even if they suspected, they would never find you _here_ of all places.” The man smiles, teeth bared.

“Wha-" And everything comes crashing onto him with the weight of a crashing ship, the bomb, the plane and Peggy.

“Yes, well, you’re still alive due to your serum I believe, a certainly advanced serum that would never work on anyone aside from humans.” The man says with some high degree of regret. “I am The Collector, and you, Captain America, are my prize from planet Earth,”

“Can I touch it sir?” The pink skinned lady next to The Collector asks reverently.

“No, honey, it would bite you and we can’t have that, can we?” The Collector says, patting her shoulder reassuringly.

“Let me out!” He shouts and thrusts his hands as hard as he can onto the glass in front of him, but to his disdain, the glass holds.

“That’s so sweet, it thinks it can escape.” The Collector says, head cocking at him.

He doesn’t stop trying to break the glass – even using his shield against it, and yet, to his eternal ire, the thing doesn’t even crack.

One day the assistant is sweeping around the shop, humming an unfamiliar tone when he says, “Please, lady, you’ve got to get me out of here, The Collector is crazy.”

“Pfft, even if I _did_ feel inclined to release you – which I don’t, by the way – The Collector would have mine and my family’s heads. So no, Captain, I think you’re just going to have to get comfortable.”

And the world will be better off without the presence of a bumbling fool who takes and does what he wants and does not care for the consequences. In his place, Tony Stark will rise and _rise,_ until he is the sun of the Earth, controlling just about _everything._ Yet he is so much more gentle, considering, humble than Steve Rogers could ever be had he survived the ice and been replicated unto the new world.

Steve still holds out help that _someone_ will find him in this hell. Surely, somewhere out there someone can rescue him from this fucking madman.

But;

n̸̶̵̳̻̘͈̯̰̯̼͎͕̦̜̹̟̜̺̬͉o̡̢͇̙̫̰̪̹̝̺̺̤̟̞̲̗̩̣͟ͅb̨̪̮͉̜͎̦̞͈̲̼͉̣̬̳̯̕͘ͅo̝͙̦̰̳̼͖̜͟͡d̜͎̼͔̣͓̪̫̺̟̹͞y̶̸̙̲͕̼ ͏̷̣̯͍͙̤̦̮̖̤̱̩̪̼̲͟͜ͅͅc̢̛̪̠̲̖̬̼̤̲͉̼̲a̴̢͈͈̪̩͍͖̲͈̭̖̝̖͎͇͍͓͢͜ͅm̶̡̱̺̗̖̬͉͔̱̟͚̙͇̞͈̰̭̯͕͡e͢҉̥͎̺̳̟͔


End file.
